Beautiful Contradictions

Well…Obama chose my 2nd choice for his VP running mate, woot! My first was my girl…because you know I would go down swinging to support Hillary Rodham Clinton…she is made of win.

Anyway, I think this was a wise choice…a great statesmen, a seasoned vet of the game, someone who has a great understanding of foreign policy. I am very pleased.

Wednesday I watched Obama Revealed on CNN…and I totally walked away with a sense that I knew this man…knew his heart, knew where he came from. After we watched McCain Revealed…and I left with knowing that I am casting my vote for the right man. I don’t know how much you know about  Barack “Barry” Obama…but he is one story that proves that no matter who or what you are born to…in this country you can do great things.

I would get more into it but I respect all political views even those different then my own and because of that I will just say…Obama/Biden ‘08 FTW!

Also…if you aren’t registered to vote…go sign your lazy behind up. I don’t care if you vote for Mickey Freaking Mouse…VOTE. Excercise a right that most of the world’s population do not have.

I’ve never met a French fry I didn’t like. Seriously. Extra crispy, salty, covered in chili, gravy, avocado, cheese, dipped in ketchup, ranch, barbeque sauce, sweet and sour, honey mustard. They should be a sin.

Why is it that everything that is so awesomely delicious is not so awesomely delicious for you? The worst part is I CRAVE these things. I drive past any random fast food restaurant, get a whiff and am salivating.

It blows. I know in my head that healthy is good, and hell I like carrot as much as the next girl, but nothing beats that crispy potato.

My favorite ones are from The Hat. They are thick, fried to a perfect golden brown and topped with mounds of chili and cheese. I am practically salivating at the memory. Add to that nice hearty pastrami and you have a heart attack waiting to happen.

I mean why can’t food like this be health food? I guess that would just make everything in life too easy. As the saying goes, “everything worth having is worth fighting for.” This explains the fact that I drag myself to the gym…where it smells, where naked ladies walk around sans everything, with sweaty guys who sit on the machines, and the people who overstay their welcome on the cardio machines…I do it because it’s worth it…because I’m worth it.

So tomorrow I will eat my carrot sticks and smile…and act like I am not imagining a super size.

I am mad at God. I realize it is irrational and unfounded and yet, I still am. I know that at least 75% of crap that happens is by my own machinations but it doesn’t heal the bitterness.”Everyone leaves in the end anyway” that seems to be the personal motto for my life…because it’s been proven true time and time again. I love something; I lose it, sometimes to death, sometimes to life, and sometimes just because it wasn’t mine to begin with. I know that all these things should give me some peace about the whole thing…and when I am thinking rationally, with my usual sunny disposition, it does. Lately though, I haven’t been so sunny. I wonder what in life makes me so easy to leave.I know that death isn’t someone making a conscious decision to leave you…. it’s God taking them from you…and I know people wax poetic about it being their time, their pain and suffering is gone…everything happens for a reason, and I believe that…on my rational days.Today though, I am a little bitter…and honestly tired of losing…I can’t do it again. I guess tomorrow is a new day, the sun will be shining, I will still be alive. I think that I should be thankful for that, for God allowing me another day to tell the people I love how much they mean to me. You should do that every day of your life, tell the people who matter how much they do, hug more, kiss more, smile more…because in one moment, one instance, on diagnosis, they can just be gone. I can’t handle another person I love leaving this earth without knowing the impact they have had on my life…no more regrets…and the next time it happens; they will know exactly what they mean to me.I guess part of me is mad at God…and myself. Maybe we had to come to this…me becoming bitter to find my way back. I can’t say I’m there yet, my heart hasn’t totally been healed…but we’re working on it.  I guess you have to learn to depend on the one thing that will never leave you…like faith of a mustard seed. 

Do you ever wonder why exercise machines look like torture devices? I mean really, half of the workout is getting your flabby but into that thing. So next week at the gym I get the customary “free personal trainer” workout…oh joy, I need to learn to say no to these people. What this buff woman doesn’t know is that I only decided to renew my contract with the gym because they offered me 13 months for 90 dollars! If I had money to pay for a personal trainer my behind would be parked in front of the computer, at home with Sven or Jean-Claude teaching me how to get buff in my own home.

I have to say the gym experience wasn’t too bad….it wasn’t hook up central, there were only a couple old naked ladies with their (not so) goodies hanging out in the locker room, no leery old men. I actually can’t wait to go back although in the morning when I can’t lift up my fat leg…it may be a different story.

Watch out world, I am coming to PUMP you UP!

Have you ever watched a crash? Plane, train, automobile, and you see it happening in slow motion but there is nothing you can do to stop it? Sometimes watching relationships is like that. When you just sigh and mutter, “This isn’t going to end well.”

I wonder what is wrong with women. Women, who stay with men that beat them, cheat on them and disrespect them. Sometimes that isn’t even the worse…there are the times you watch a man not break a woman’s body but break her spirit. You see her slowly shrink down until she is a shell of herself, until finally the light in her eyes has died.

In my opinion loving someone, truly loving someone is opening up your heart, giving them the very weapons to destroy you…and trusting them enough not to.

What is your definition of love?

Life is funny…you think you have it all figured out at 18. You are going to turn that magical number and all the sudden everything is going to be exactly how it is supposed to be…not.

 Suddenly you wake up at twenty-five, stuck at a job you don’t really like…the last two “forever’s” turned out to be not so…lasting. I think that’s when you start really answering the questions your mom always nagged you about in High School.

This is where I’m at…waking up to realize that your life isn’t going to change itself. Now it takes the guts…the guts to put yourself out there…whether it to be fulfilling a career goal…or just finding Mr. Not Prince Charming but Charming Enough for me.

You are going to get turned down…that job which informs you that only your mom likes your writing…or when that hot, perfect, dream of a man ends it via text message.

We are on the cusp of something great…if we reach out and grab. It isn’t an odd concept…Dr. Phil called it, “name it to claim it” but I just say I’m going to write my name on it. Don’t be alarmed if you happen to spy a big AYSHEN on Brad Pitt’s forehead next time he graces your television. Honestly though, I’m tired of the sidelines, I am grabbing my jersey and helmet and getting into the game…I may suck a little the first dozen times, but I will get the hang of it!